Money Does Not Equal Success

As the mother of two young children, I try to really tune-in and listen when parents of teenagers or young adults dole out advice. They've been there and done that, so please, I'm ALL ears, give me your wisdom! 

For one thing, they all say the same things: it will go by fast, enjoy the time when they're young. I've NEVER heard a parent tell me: you should definitely work as much as humanly possible because your children take forever to grow up and you really won't miss a thing. Seriously, have you ever heard that? 

And yet so many of "us" as entrepreneurial, business owning parents diligently go against that advice: we tell ourselves "I'm working for my family" or "I need to make more money" or "I don't feel successful" or "I won't feel successful until I earn X" - are you sure about that? 

Take a look at Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs:

Speaking from observation and experience, I think what happens is we get our first 3 basic levels satisfied and in an effort to gain traction at the 4th level of self-esteem we derail ourselves by taking for granted that very thing that gives us the ability to pursue the next level: sense of belonging and love.

How? Well, I suppose it happens fairly slowly. And is probably not even linked to a real decision, rather it is the result of the compounding of many small decisions. The result, however, is hard to repair.

We're so focused on building our businesses, making more money, becoming an industry thought-leader, etc. that we, day-by-day, make tiny decisions that communicate to our loved ones how UN-important they are. The decision to stay late at work, to work on the weekends, to not ever fully engage at home or on a date with your spouse, to always be running late for any and all engagements.

Essentially, it is a subtle unwillingness to ever get off the path that's pointing you towards the next win. The money, the notoriety, the "success."

Then one day, something happens and you finally lift your head up and take a look around. This is when you discover your kids are in middle school or your spouse is deeply unhappy. And for what? How much money is this moment worth? The moment you discover you've sacrificed your family, friends, and happiness for short-term dollars - how much do you need to earn for that to be worthwhile?

I know what my answer is: no amount of money is worth missing the daily development of my children; no amount of money is worth destroying my marriage over.

While it is difficult at times, on a daily basis I decide to make breakfast for my kids and husband, do drop-off/pick-up from school, hang out with them after school, make dinner, and do the whole bedtime routine. I know with absolute certainty that these are the small decisions that compound over the years to create a happy family and a happy life.

When I say it has been difficult to prioritize this routine, I mean it has been f***ing HARD. Not because I don't want to - I'm thrilled to! But, because owning a business is tough work. When people are waiting on your for responses or cash flow is poor or you're dealing with employee turnover or you're trying to figure out what in the hell your target market will respond to... what do you do? Do you have the grit to continue to prioritize the family? Are you tough enough? Are you (wo)man enough?

As it turns out - and I speak solely from personal experience here - you can do all these great family centered things while earning an income, growing your business(es), and still achieve that 4th level of Esteem Needs. Maybe it takes longer to get there... or maybe it doesn't! What it definitely does is gives you a life worth living. A life where you are not maxed out 100% of the time, but rather one of relative balance and happiness.